Another Long Night
Saturday, January 2nd…
Here I am, 29 years old and I’m on the way to work, on Saturday morning. I wanted to ignore the work I got behind on while I was out of town for Christmas, but I have absolutely no excuse when my social calendar was now so desolate. It fucking sucks that over the past year, I’d been to more funerals than parties. My only real love interest had been the tiny little angel that killed one of my girlfriends, and helped solve the murder of the other. Sure, Debbie was a nut. She had made an art out of doing more harm than good in my life and the worst part about her death was that I didn’t care. I beat myself up over not caring. I had been with her for years and she was killed by someone I was in love with. I had forgiven Sookie before I heard her reasons. I was fool enough to push her away after my Dad’s death and I wasted time with Maria. She was good to me. We got along well, but there was nothing special about her. I spent some more time beating myself up over her death too. She was killed because she was with me. If I had the balls to have broken up with her when I wanted to, she’d have been left alone. I had known for more than a month that I didn’t feel for her what was necessary for us to work out for any length of time. But I’m pathetic and I hate sleeping alone, I even sleep on the couch at home so that I don’t notice how empty my bed is. Sookie was special though. I talked to her about things I would never talk to another human about on the day I met her. She had a spark, something special.
When she called me that day after the civil war to tell me that she needed to see me I have to admit, I was hoping that it was going to be a ‘more than friends’ talk. We had been through a lot together and we had been attracted to each other since we met, I had even embarrassed the shit out of myself by kind of proposing to her. No such luck. She wanted to mend our fences and be friends. I did the guy thing and thought that I would be able to use that as ground work but it didn’t take any time at all for me to see that she was in love with the Viking. It also didn’t take any time at all for me to realize that we worked really well as friends. Probably the best friend I had ever had. What’s more is that being best friends with her, silly as it may sound, was the equivalent to having her as girlfriend or wife. The only difference was the sex. We helped each other not feel so lonely and had it not been for the fact that Janice wanted to be together since it was our first Christmas since dad died; I would have spent it with Sookie. We had our talk on a Tuesday night and we either talked or saw each other every day since then until Christmas. And when she left me a voicemail yesterday that she and Eric were back together, I felt like shit. I felt like a twin who lost the other. This was probably going to be the worse breakup I had ever had to go through and I wasn’t even dating her unless you ask the idiots at Merlotte’s.
We had our own little game going to keep Sam off of her tail since he had a track record of prying every time she asked for time off and trying to date her when she wasn’t actively dating. Most nights when she worked the closing shift, I would go in with my laptop and work until she got off, waiting like a boyfriend would. It helped her with the yokels too. Then I would sleep over at her house. Most nights that she had off, we’d go out and grab dinner or a movie or even hang out and watch movies and she’d sleep at my place unless we were out of town. She helped me lick my wounds after Maria died and even acted as my wing man a couple of nights when we went out. By the way, she’s the best wing man I’ve ever had too.
But, I’m sure that’s over now. Officially being with Eric would put a huge amount of distance between us. It was great while it lasted but there was no way, he would let her stay friends with me. Even if he could get past the posturing, politically there wasn’t a way for it to stay the way it was. His bonded couldn’t embarrass him by bar hopping with a Were. He was too smart to give her an ultimatum; he would just gradually make it more difficult for us to hang out. I guess I had to just accept that right now and maybe find a girlfriend by Easter. Since Carla and I clearly weren’t working out, I broke up with her when she called me at my sister’s house over Christmas. She pitched a fit when I wanted to get off the phone and help Tommy put together a toy. She called me a child and that was the last straw. The funny part was that Sookie and I had gone to the mall for Christmas shopping and played with every toy display while we looked for presents for our friends’ kids. If I could clone Sookie, make no mistake about it, I’d sell a kidney to get one. Northman is a lucky mother fucker.
I was sitting in my office; the building was deserted because it was the weekend. The only sound was coming from the keys on my laptop. I had been there for hours catching up and I jumped out of my skin when my phone went off.
It was my favorite little blonde.
“Hey baby! What’s spankin’?” She was in one of her flirty moods. I guess the date went well last night.
“Not much. Are you calling to cut bait on tonight?” Let me guess, the vampire forgot about a ‘meeting’, right?
“Wouldn’t dream of it. Just the opposite. I need to catch up with you later around 4.”
“What’s up Puddin’?”
“Eric wants me to deliver some catering to you for the cookout, as a thank you for my friend status.”
“He doesn’t need to do that.” Was he up to something? He’s made no secret of his contempt for Weres.
“Try telling him that. Between you and me, I think he’s excited to be doing something new. I would imagine that life can get pretty damn boring after 1000 years.”
I laughed it off. If he was up to something, I’d find out soon enough. “What are you up to?”
“Headed to Shreveport right now to go shopping. I’ve been ordered to buy something slutty to wear to Fangtasia so he can show me off.”
“Want company?” I loved shopping with her. Yes, I am pussy whipped, without getting the pussy. What of it?
I heard her whispering to Amelia. “Sure Alcide, meet us at Macy’s in 30 min.”
“You won’t find much by way of slutty at Macy’s.”
“He wanted me to get some things for him too and they have a Crabtree & Evelyn counter there. And the lingerie department is huge.”
“Shit, what am I dealing with today? Are you wearing something that’ll give me a heart attack?”
“I’m kinda dressed like a strawberry rodeo. Except the rides aren’t free.”
I kept my growl to myself. She did this to me often enough that I knew better than to let her know that it ‘effected’ me. She only ever makes the flirt harder on me. Usually, literally. “Something tells me that shopping with you today isn’t going to be as much pleasure as pain.”
“We’ll see, big guy. Besides whatever doesn’t kill you makes you longer, right?”
I growled. I couldn’t catch that one in time. “Stronger. Sookie, stronger. I’ll see you there.” I hung up.
I shut down my laptop leaving it behind and I closed my office, locking up and headed home to change.
I got to the mall and parked by the Macy’s entrance. No sooner than I was on the sidewalk, I saw her coming up the lane of parking spaces. I watched her leap out of the giant truck and come running up to me for a big hug. She looked like ice cream. She was wearing pink and brown from head to toe. She could make anything look good, but that outfit was especially noticeable.
My arms were still around her when she whispered in my ear. “She thinks that it’s inappropriate that we are friends now that Eric and I are a couple.”
I thought to her because Amelia was getting closer and I’ve never been much of a whisperer. “I gotta say, I’m surprised that he doesn’t. I almost didn’t want to hug you last night”
“Fuck that, I’d kick his ass.”
“Little girl, I bet he’d let you.”
“By the way, I think the look is more of a ‘Neapolitan Barbie’, how about you?” I was trying to be nice to Amelia. Tray had mentioned that she’d been moody and that he was sick of it.
“How about we just start calling her “universal remote” since she can turn anything on.”
Really? Fuck you. “Is this bitch for real?”
Sookie didn’t seem to have much of a reaction. “I’m sorry Amelia, I didn’t realize how selfish I was being. I never asked if you wanted to come along. It won’t hurt my feelings if you strike out and go do your own shopping. I’ll call you later to check in, OK?”
A smile appeared on her face and she got bouncy again and said, “Cool, see ya later Sook, Alcide.”
What the fuck? Sybill? “I have to know what I just witnessed.”
As we walked into the store she explained, “She’s had bad luck with lovers. She keeps finding ones with ADD. She has a lot going for her: pretty, smart, good sense of humor, trust fund, strong powers and she knows it so she’s a little green right now, since Eric and I are finally together and it doesn’t help that we didn’t know she was home last night until after we broke the kitchen table and then Eric woke her up screaming for help.”
Of all the mental images I get from Sookie, I didn’t need that one. I just shook my head.
“Not like that Alcide, well yeah- we rocked the table apart, but the screaming for help was playful. I had his head covered with a pillow.”
She bounced up for a piggy back and made me take her shopping for Eric first. That was going to be fun. I loved the idea of shopping for the guy who’s going to come between us. I guess it was just going to have to get through it. I watched her fill her tiny arms with huge fancy clothes.
“He really that dressed up all the time?”
“It’s one of the two extremes. Last night when he picked me up for our date he was wearing a 3 piece Italian silk suit, and when we decided to run up to Merlotte’s so I could eat, he threw on the wife beater and jeans.”
“He took you out and didn’t feed you?” She held out a few shirts under my chin.
“You should get these; they really set off your pretty eyes… The first place we went was ‘Wine and Song’ but I knew we were going dancing so I ate light, then drank too much, then danced it all off, then I was ready for more food and spirits. Trust me, I have it good. Bill was highly impatient about ‘human needs’. Eric gets it though.”
“Human needs?” Oh, yay. Nice to hear the he remembers your need to eat.
“Yeah, silly things like bathroom breaks and, well I threw it all in the trash as soon as we broke up, oral hygiene was a big deal, he gave me a kit for my purse. If I ate or drank anything but water, I’d have to immediately scrub out my mouth to appease him, talk about OCD! As a matter of fact, last night when I drank the first Vegas wedding, I skipped the cherry at the end just assuming because of Bill, but when I did the other rounds, Eric participated.“
“Well I wouldn’t have figured that either, if it makes you feel any better.”
“I don’t know if it’s an age thing or just a Bill thing, but it should have occurred to me to ask. I’ve done body shots with Pam before.”
I stopped and closed my eyes. I pictured Pam leaning back and serving Sookie’s body shot to her. To be honest I’d die to see it in person.
“Give me a minute, the mental picture is developing.”
“Mental image not needed, come to the club with us sometime.” She was going to get me killed, but at least I’d die with a smile on my face.
We kept shopping and she seemed like she was having fun. When we got to the shoe department, I did my usual. I’m sure by now she thinks that I have a foot fetish because I can’t stand shoe shopping with her.
She’ll pick an outfit or dress without any kind of pause, the matching shoes would be agonized over until I wanted to shove a stiletto through my eye. So, I just play the role of helpful friend in the shoe department. I had shoes for all of her outfits and Pam’s and then some in the amount of time it took her to get just a couple pairs for Eric. It wasn’t all a wash though. She saved the lingerie department for last and the albums of mental images were happily full.
“I can’t believe that I spent that much!”
“Take it easy, he won’t even notice. In fact, he’ll probably take you shopping again soon and put this to shame.” My company did the survey for his land. He was loaded and I’m sure he wouldn’t bother looking at his account. Seriously loaded.
“If you say so, why don’t we run and get something to eat before we pick up the catering?”
“Sounds good, do you like Mexican today?”
“Love it! Let me call Amelia and collect her crabby ass!”
Yay. I wondered if she’d consider leaving her behind if she still had sand on her tampon.
I let the girls follow me to the little Mexican joint Sookie and I found while Christmas shopping. I decided to change tactics. Originally, I was going to raise the white flag and just let things happen and settle for what’s left. Never mind that now. I had one chance to hang out with the 2 of them. If Sookie behaved, I’m sure she would with him there, we could pull it off and he wouldn’t see me as a threat. Vampires tended to annoy me but he can’t be all bad. He makes Sookie happy. If I could be friends with any Vamp, it’d be him. It was worth a shot.
We were sitting down eating. Sookie and I occasionally looked over at Amelia who was stabbing at her food and it seemed like we watched her slowly get pissy again.
Finally she blurted out, “I called my dad. My building is fixed. I’m moving home.”
“Oh honey. I’m going to miss you.” I don’t see how.
“No you won’t.”
“Of course I will. Why would you think that?”
“Because you are too busy flirting with every Supe in ‘3-1-8’ to get your head out of your ass.”
“Wow. Ok. Sorry I asked.” That bitch needed to be calibrated. Sookie’s spidey senses were working today and she picked up on how much her little ‘Single White Female’ was pissing me off. Sookie’s hand went to my knee and the tension left my body and I wondered if that was a new power.
“Why? Does it bother you to hear that you should be embarrassed by your behavior?”
“It bothers me that I’ve done something to make you want to lash out at me without realizing it.”
“Lash out? I’m not lashing out. I’m telling you like it is. You ruined Bill. You played Quinn. You’re using Eric. You’ve neutered him,” She pointed at me. Neutered? Really? What the fuck does Tray see in her? She’s venomous. “Pam would rather be with you than me. Calvin asked you to marry him. Sam wants you to have his puppies too!” She needed to shut her pie hole. She was too loud. And did she just say ‘puppies’? I was ready to hit my first human female. Sookie stopped it though.
“Amelia, you are going to sit there and finish your meal without speaking again. When we leave we will run a couple of errands and you will stay in the car. When we get back to the house you are going to call and have Marley come to get you and take you home. Do you understand?” She went back to eating her lunch.
Sookie looked at me with watery eyes. “I’m sorry Alcide. I don’t know what’s gotten into her. She’s not usually like this.”
Did I just see what I thought I saw? “Did you just glamour her?”
“I think I might have.”
“How many new ‘gifts’ do you have?”
“I don’t know.” She was too busy pouting to talk powers. Right now she needed me to help her rationalize. That, I could do.
“Aww. Shug, she’s going through something right now. She’ll come around. I bet she’s homesick and lonely. Or… was the kitchen table hers?” She laughed. She wasn’t too upset for that.
“Thanks Alcide. I’m glad I have you.”
“Shug. You have me whenever you need me.” I kissed her forehead and gave her shoulders a squeeze.
Funny how she’s seen been through so much and still got so upset over some little trash talking bitch.
After we went to the restaurant to pick up the catering, I took the food to the club and put it away and made the phone calls to make sure everything was lined up.
I went home and cleaned up a bit. Not that my house needed much. Sookie cleaned pretty much the whole place when she stayed over Wednesday night. She hadn’t been sleeping much. I wasn’t too worried since she wasn’t showing any signs of it getting to her. We fell asleep watching TV and I woke up a couple hours later to the smell of cleaner. I found her in my bathroom, scrubbing the shower. She had done everything but vacuum, because she didn’t want to wake me up. I finally got her to get a shower while I vacuumed and when the house was done we climbed into bed and went back to sleep.
I put a few dishes in the washer and ran a load of clothes and then I set the alarm on my watch and laid down for a nap.
It was nearly dark outside when I got up. I got my shower and got dressed, grabbing an extra outfit just in case Sookie decided to dump ice water down my pants again and I headed on over to get things set up.
I had dealt with Calvin’s melodramatic ass. One of my pack was dating one of his and he wanted me to do something to help break them up. Something about one of their own wanting to breed with her. As nicely as I could, I told him to stay out of it because they were grownups. That didn’t make him my biggest fan. Fuck him, that whole ‘if she ain’t good enough for her brother’ shit made my skin crawl.
When he took off, one of the couples came over and started telling me about her sister… trying to play cupid for the Packmaster. Nice. I was grinning and nodding out of politeness when I heard Tray and Sookie’s trademark greeting.
They had been doing the ‘bear hug’ thing for months and they made loud grunts during the squeeze. I’d love to see the look on Northman’s face. Sookie is all but considered my wife by most of these people, a hero too. I wonder how he’s going to be when it comes to how popular she is with us lowly Weres.
When I finally got rid of the matchmakers, I started my way over to find her and got headed off again. This time it was just a ‘how ya doin’ so it wasn’t as annoying. I was standing there talking to a guy I’ve known since high school and catching up when I was blindsided. The wind was knocked out of me and it took me a minute to get my wits. I realized that it was the Viking laying on top me, smiling like a fucking idiot. I flipped him into a hold and he laughed. I was waiting for him to be an asshole and make me look like a douche in front of my pack by using vampire strength. He worked his way out of my hold and put me in one, I started laughing when I bested him on the next roll we went round for round for a while. He never used Supe strength, neither did I and once we had started laughing, we didn’t stop. I just had fun sparring with a vampire. I’d have to call Ripley’s when I got home.
Sookie and I had a couple of drinks and Eric followed us around as we made the rounds when the rounds didn’t come to us. She was only a ‘friend’ of the pack but after she kept me and Furnan from civil war last year, she might as well be the new Packmaster. I had been watching Eric for his reaction to how every interaction played out and he seemed mostly unaffected. If anything he was impressed that she had made so many friends.
Sookie and I finally made our plates and I laughed to myself when she sat on his lap to eat. It was funny to see her be territorial when some of the younger single girls of the pack made eyes at HER boyfriend.
She took a breath between mouthfuls just long enough to be nosey. “Psst. Alcide. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? Carla’s been here for an hour and you’ve been on a date with Eric the whole time. What gives?”
“Nothing gives. We got along ok I guess. But she’s really serious and cleans for fun. We just couldn’t get into each other. We were out for dinner one night. I ordered the salmon and she talked for an hour about the delicate ecosystem and the global repercussions of eating wild salmon as opposed to the political ramifications of eating farmed salmon.” And thanks for bringing it up, sweetheart. I was hoping to avoid the topic.
Eric said, “No shit?”
“I’m not kidding. It was like that. Grounded is good but that girl sucked the fun out of chocolate sauce.”
“She didn’t.” Like a thousand year old vampire would know from Hershey’s, but I went along.
“Oh yeah she did! ‘Did you know that the cocoa beans used were farmed in Africa by slave children that were lifted…. Blah blah blah.’ I tell you what. While we were together I bought her every style of underwear known to man hoping that one of them wouldn’t ‘twist’!” By now we were all three laughing.
I was actually starting to like the guy. I don’t think I’d ever seen a vampire laugh during a normal conversation. He was actually easy to hang out with. I guess it’s because he doesn’t have to be sheriff out here.
Sookie was done eating her second plate of food while I was still working on my first one and stood up. “Ima go shake me booty, when y’all are done with yer boy talkin’ come n git me so we can git our drank on kay?”
I couldn’t tell if Eric really needed me to translate or if he just wanted to make a joke out of it. “She’s going to dance. When I’m done, we’ll go find her to go do shots.”
“I thought Cantonese was ugly, but that was horrible!” I couldn’t help but laugh and she flipped up the back of her skirt to moon us.
He watched her walk away and disappear into the crowd of people on the dance floor.
When he was sure she was out of earshot he turned to look at me. “How much time have you been spending together?”
Here we go. That’s what I expected. “A lot. Most of our free time.”
He was nodding. “Has she been eating?”
I had to hit rewind and play it over. That was not what I expected to hear. “She eats like a fucking pig. She puts away more than me at every sitting. I don’t know where she’s putting it. You’re worried that she’s gotten thin?”
“Don’t worry about that. She’s packing on muscle. Her body fat percentage is at the floor; she’s all muscle. She’s strong as an ox too.”
“How is she doing it?”
“On her own. She runs and does sit ups and pull ups. She’s not doing any weight training or anything.”
“How far is Tray’s place from her house?”
“Mmm, about 10 miles, maybe more. Why?”
“He told her that he’d seen her running there.”
I laughed. “That doesn’t surprise me. One night I got to her house and she wasn’t home yet so I went to the diner looking for her. Merlotte told me that Jason had gotten too drunk to get himself back to Hotshot and she’d taken him back. I figured she’d driven but she when she came in, she’d driven his truck, hid his distributor cap and then RUN back to work.”
“Hotshot is nearly 20 miles from the diner!”
Duh. “Yeah, and she’s fast. Something is going on. I can’t put my finger on it, but until I do, I’m fine with pointing the finger at Niall.”
The smile he put on his face was just creepy. I’m guessing that he had no respect for him either. He looked over and watched her dancing with some aesthetically unfortunate boy for a few minutes before he started talking again.
“She loves you.”
Fuck. I guess I wasn’t getting out of this conversation. “I know. I love her too.”
“Are you fucking her?”
He stared me down for a minute. “But you want to.”
“Who doesn’t? But, she’s in love with you and I like being her friend.”
His eyebrows went up slightly but he didn’t say anything.
When I was done, he and I went looking for her. We found her sandwiched between two very horny college boys, dancing with her arms in the air. Eric looked over at me and huffed. “Let’s go rescue our girl from herself.”
Our girl? Um.. Ok. I don’t think I’ve been so surprised. Could I trust this, him, his reaction? I guess only time would tell. I didn’t know if we were going to end up being friends or if he playing it cool while he planned a place to hide my body.
We got to the bar and Sookie and I debated about which drinking game to call, and we found enough young guys from Barksdale to play the name game, so the two of us started pouring shots of tequila. I doubted that we would be able to get through many rounds since Sookie and I had already spent a lot of time with Johnny Walker but I wasn’t afraid to lose the game.
Eric leaned against one of the pillars and laughed at us as we took our penalty drinks. I had to take 8 and Sookie had to take 10. Most of our penalties came from laughing hard enough to get a time penalty. We were on par with most of the other guys playing. The apparent winner was some new kid named Tobin; he had only gotten 4 penalty drinks. When we were getting up from the picnic table after the game, I realized that I would be cabbing it home tonight. I was well on my way to being plastered.
Tobin challenged Sookie to a keg stand. I laughed until I heard her accept. As tiny as she is, she had 4 drinks more than me and should be shitfaced. But she was standing there, sober as the pope. I couldn’t help but stare and listen to the conversation she was having with Eric.
“Lover, who will hold you up?”
She smiled at him. “Sexy, what makes you think I need someone to hold me up?”
I started the taps for her and Tobin. Eric was spotting Tobin. Ok, that was weird. Standing was one thing, but she was doing a keg stand without help. Most people couldn’t do that without drinking at all.
Eric squatted down after he found another spotter to take over for him. “Lover, this isn’t very ladylike. You have drawn quite an audience.” He was smiling. He was trying to make her laugh. “I heard someone suggest they talk you into a round of smiles. He was being vulgar. What is ‘Smiles’?” I laughed and watched for a minute. Tobin had given up but she was still going. I went over to the bar and grabbed a pitcher of ice water.
When I got back I held up the pitcher and got Eric’s attention when he realized what I was planning, he smiled up at me. I took that as a go. I grabbed at the hem of her skirt and started pouring slowly and when I saw her head shake I dumped the last of it into her skirt.
“Alcide! You are dead!” I might have been scared if she hadn’t been laughing.
Eric was hysterical.
Sookie soaked me when she wrapped her legs around my neck. My arms went around her waist and she knocked me on my ass when she shifted her weight. We rolled around and pinned each other a few times. We were talking shit and laughing the whole time. I made her bite through her lip a couple of times. She let me win. I was too drunk to have been able to do it unless she had. She held my hand on the way back over to Eric. He was smiling but he was worried about her split lip. He was a good sport about it though.
“Sookie, when did you learn how to spar like that?”
She smiled over at me. “Alcide wrestled in high school and college. He showed me some holds and escapes and he even set me up with some guys to spar with that wouldn’t take it easy on me.”
Because I was fed up to my eyeballs with her getting beaten up so much. “Yeah, I had to pay some guy’s ER bill. She broke his nose. Russell laughed his ass off though.” FUCK! I slipped. Sookie had told me that the visits to Jackson were hush-hush and judging by the look on her face, Eric wasn’t supposed to know either. I was going to pay for that later.
She grabbed us both by the hand and dragged us to the dance floor and she danced between us, happy as a clam.
I was starting to feel like shit so when the next song was a slow one, I hunted down a chair.
Everything went black until the pain in my chest woke me up. I thought I was having a heart attack until I cracked my eyes and saw Sookie standing over me.
It was an effort, but with her help, I got out of my chair and staggered to my truck.
I remember laying my head on her lap and she pet my head…
“Sookie?” I was in my shower and stripped down to my boxers and Sookie was holding me up.
“Hey there, tall, dark and drunk. You think you can finish up in here without help?”
I was confused. “Uh… Puddin’, how’d I get home?”
“I drove your truck. Alcide, stand up on your own so I know you’re ok.” I did. I felt like I was standing on jello but I did it. Eric asked from the doorway if he could help. “Thanks sweetie. We’re good.”
Suddenly, I got that feeling… I guess I went green to go along with it too because Sookie told me she’d go get some water. No sooner than she was gone I flew out of the shower and barely made it to the head before I started puking. It went on forever. Every time I thought I couldn’t possibly, I did. Eventually I got back into the shower.
Sookie stuck her head in to check on me. “How are we doing in here, Sweetie?”
“Unfortunately, I think I’m going to live.” She giggled at me.
“Nothing unfortunate about that. Who else would I go to Jackson and party with? I’ll let you finish up.”
When I came out of the shower, she had put a pair of my pajama pants on the counter next to a pre-pasted tooth brush. So I took the hint and they were sitting on the edge of my bed waiting for me when I opened the bathroom door.
“Thank you. Both of you.”
She hugged me. “That’s what friends do,” and kissed my cheek. “Now get in bed.”
Eric, shook my hand, “She’s working at the diner tomorrow night, I’m going to sit at the bar and annoy Sam with my existence if you want to join me.”
Fuck yeah, I’ll be there. Who’d want to miss out on that? “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Oh! Fabulous! Why not take Pam too!” Not a bad idea, maybe I could enjoy watching them do a body shot or two.
Eric liked her idea. “That would be great! Then we could use the foreign language paranoia to our advantage. Very clever.”
“That’s what I’m here for, let’s go show me of!” She dragged him out of the house and I heard her lock the bolt.
I stood there and looked around. I could hear my washer running because she had started a load. There were bottles of water and Motrin and my cell was plugged in, all on my nightstand. She even set a barf bucket next to my bed and turned down my sheets. I had the perfect best friend and it seemed like I was on the way to being friends with her boyfriend too. I chuckled as I laid back and I went to sleep while the room started to spin around me.
When my phone rang, I fumbled for it blindly. I saw that it was Eric. I also saw that it was 1:30. Lunatic.
“Hi Eric, what’s wrong?”
“Hey princess, sorry to wake you.” He’d better be calling me princess as a codename.
“That’s fine, Cupcake. I missed you.”
“Miss you too. Kisses.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. He was being fucking goofy. “Is this a booty call?”
“Do you know of any families that need a tutor/night nanny/governess? I have young vampire here that was a teacher before she turned.” I was happy to hear him finally get to business.
“No. Around here, most kids spend their transition stage getting homeschooled. The community here is big enough that it’s easy to insulate.”
“Ok keep your ear down for me.”
“Will do. You coming over to lick my nuts?”
“Lick your own.”
“I’ll wait. I bet Sam will do it.”
“Tomorrow night then, wear something pretty for me.”
“…And your favorite cologne. Freak.”
I hung up. Did I just banter with a vampire? I’m too drunk to deal with the surreal. Fuck it. Back to sleep.